Thinking of you, Dad.

Hi Dad,

Today you would have turned 84.  Hope you could send us a hello from the other side.  How are you?  Have you risen high up enough to see God's face everyday?  Or does God have a face?  Maybe just a Light, not too bright, not too hot, just shining and glorious?  I take it you now don't have a body or a face either, just a free and comfortable spirit, I imagine.  You most likely don't have any worry, or stress, or pain.  Can you look down on us?  Can you ask God to bless us extra good?

We had a warm and fuzzy Thanksgiving, as you could see.  Mom seemed to be in good cheers.  All our family gathered and had so much fun.  All grandchildren from afar came home, except An.  But that was okay because she was striving to be our future "Le family doctor" (to take care of us all later, no pressure, of course!!).  We missed her though.  And we missed you, dad.  But we didn't feel so sad any more, not like last year. 

When I think about your current state of being, I actually feel happy for you.  My memories of you have always been a handsome, healthy, happy, loving man.  But the other day, Ha posted some pictures of you in your last hour with us.  Seeing those pictures got me thinking about our mortality.  Everyone will die, sooner or later.  What will our death be like?  Will we be as blessed as you, with all the sacraments received to cleanse your soul, with all your family gathered around, with so much love and prayers to send you off?

On the other hand, for many years growing up, I have always thought Cancer is a foreigner, from a distant land.  Cancer only happens to other people, not to our family.  We don't speak it's language and we won't even go there.  But after both you and Cau Nam died of cancer, I got to rethink this C word.  If immediate relations got hit, how safe am I?  It's no longer a foreigner.  It's here and ready to attack any day.  It's worse than Isis!!!   

However, I cannot live in fear.  I just have to be vigilant.  Maybe I can start to combat it from here, from now with preventive measures.  Right dad?  I am trying to eat more healthy, to rest more and stress less.  I am trying to be more spiritual, and to find joy in everyday living, working, praying.  I am grateful for everyone and everything around me, most of the time, or... maybe more than half the time!  Okay, alright, at least I am working at it! 

Dad, you have lived a life full of grace and died a graceful death.  Please ask God to help us be like you in time of health and time of sickness.  But for now, more immediately, ask God to delay the sickness part as long as He can.  Thank you, Dad.

Happy Birthday Dad!  I love you.

 

Huyen

Lavang Church, Quang Tri, Summer 1972

Dad,

I found this photo, and I thought of you.
The cross was still there above the altar.
The country of your birth is still there.
Unwelcomed and unappreciated.

You have a new country now, Dad.
And no one will ever extradite or persecute you.
There will be no sounds of war,
No tears from heartbreaks, and no sorrow.

You have won the test of time.
You have passed the lessons of love.
You have finished the race.
And you have made it home, Dad.

The church I attended on Sunday has roof and walls.
The crucifix is larger and richer.
This country welcomes and appreciates.
And I will kneel down and pray like the young soldier in the photo.

Thank you for the deliverance, Dad.

Vui
 

The First Birthday of Your New Life

 

Dear Dad,

It has been a year since you passed away from this life and transformed into your new one.  I hope you are enjoying the presence of God, of light, and of love there.  Gosh, I really miss you Dad.  But that's okay, I can deal with it.  I believe you are not suffering any more, and are watching over our family better from up there. 

What did we do this past Saturday?  Surely you could see from where you were:  We gathered together to have a mass for you, to eat dinner, and to visit your grave.  Weren't  you proud of us, Dad?  All your children and grandchildren who were in town showed up for you and for each other.  Mom was doing fine the whole time, except right before we were about to leave your grave, she seemed pensive and subdued.  Maybe she was missing you more than she could hide. 

I know she was not the only one missing you.  But we were just better at suppressing it.  When we were saying the rosaries at the cemetery, I recalled all those rosaries we said with you on the Sundays that you stayed at our house.  Everyone came and brought "Mass" to you.  We brought God, love, and energy.  So much so that enabled you to sit up through the entire prayer sessions with your leukemia weakened body.  Did God send us to strengthen you or was it through God that you had made us strong the whole year battling your illness?

Dad, your physical life has passed but I know you still live within each of us.  I think of you often, mostly at the least expect times.  Many times during my work or just doing mundane daily things, I caught myself thinking about you.  Just random thoughts such as:

You didn't have a big ego.  You listened more than you talked.  You didn't have any temper.  You rarely got mad.  When someone said or did something hurtful or unfair to you, you didn't react on the spot.  You didn't get even.  You knew how to forgive and forget.  You loved and accepted everybody the way they were. 

You didn't have the best children.  But you nurtured the best in each of us.  You asked us to do weird things for you, like putting together a Christmas show or pulling off a New Year's dragon dance when you knew we didn't have those talents.  Were those requests simply for your entertainment?  Not really, because we were the most amateur of all amateurs.  Then, were they for us to get together to practice and perform, to get out of our comfort zone?   Little did we know, we had so much laughter and bonding just trying to do things that we thought would please you.  We learned to be humble and to not take each other too seriously.  Silly little things that not until way later that I realized signified your quiet wisdom and meaningful teaching.

I recalled the nights I had my shift to stay with you in the hospital.  We talked and talked about anything and everything.  Your favorite topics revolved mostly around philosophy.  But when you started to feel your physical energy running low, you would always saved the last of it for our nightly prayers.  Those were the most touching prayers for me.  I realized how much you were a man of deep faith.  And I begun to understand how that faith had carried you through so much adversities in life, and how you had overcome everything with such grace. 

Dad, you were never loud or domineering.  You were never the star of the show.  You simply sat back and relaxed in that chair at the end of the dinner table watching us play or hearing us talk.  But in your quiet ways, you had always been the source, the anchor, the glue, the vitality of our family.  Your legacy was never power, status, or material things.  It was always the indestructible abundant richness we feel inside. 

Thank you Dad for the huge inheritance you had given us. 

Love you always,

 

Huyen

 

Sunday, September 20, 2015



The family got together for your memorial.
Saturday, September 19, 015

One year ago

By faith, we know that you are with God.
By faith, we know that you are with us in spirit.
By faith, we know that you are loved.
But we sure missed you here.

The sun will shine this morning, just like it did on September 16th last year.
The birds will sing and the dogs will run.
But in our hearts, we are reminiscing you and the time you had with us.

I am so grateful that you had given me the chance
to come back from my trip to be with you on your last hours last year.
You asked that I would pray for you and be there, as you take your last breath.
And I did.

Dad, it was my honor to do so.
And since then, I thought of you every day.
I said rosaries and pray for you, even though by faith, I know you are with God.

Dad, please say thanks to God for taking good care of you.
Thank Him for watching over our family.
Mom seems fine, and everyone seem healthy and happy.
Thank God on our behalf, Dad.

Dad, and please do not cease to pray for all of us.
Pray to God that by His mercy, love, and sacrifice,
that we would come to love and live a life worthy of Him.

And Dad, pray to God so that He may grant us the peace, love, and joy,
that He had given you.
Ask God to watch over our family, each one of us, and guide us in our life.
Ask God to teach us to live simply and happily as you did.

And then, Dad, be our advocate in heaven.
Ask God to forgive our shortcomings and to overlook our sins.
Ask God to strengthen us and lead us to Him.

By faith, we know you are in heaven with God.
By faith, we know you are looking over us.
May the past year be the year that we have learned to appreciate you and the life you led.
May the coming years be the years of our growing in faith and love of God.

Amen.

Remembering last Chinese New Year.